Marriage is a relation between two adults that is expected to last for the life with mutual trust and love for each other. But, it may not be possible for this happy ending for all couples. One major reason for the break ups is adultery, where the people complain about husband cheated on me or wife had an affair. Such cases of unfaithful spouses mostly lead to the divorce between the couples.
How to react after knowing adultery
It can mostly be a knee jerk reaction after knowing that the wife had an affair or if the husband cheated on me cases. Most of these cases with knee jerk reaction leads to lot of mud-slinging on each other, emotional stress and results in extreme hatred towards each other. It is always possible for saving marriage after adultery because how to handle a case of infidelity is more important rather than infidelity itself.
Can infidelity be forgiven?
The most important question to answer oneself in this situation is – What is love? If love is a relation based on mutual trust and that the spouse be faithful and not failing, then adultery cannot be forgiven. It can only lead to break up of the couple. Granting forgiveness is out of the scope in this case.
But, if love is defined as an unconditional contribution of the partner on his or her spouse, then any extreme case can be considered, thought and fixed. But, during such times it is important to set the boundaries and limitations for the unfaithful spouse with an agreement that he or she shall abide by these. Such cases can lead to a better endings rather than the marriage shattered.
Saving a marriage after adultery
There are many instances where cases of adultery have not resulted in divorces. Sometimes, the partner indulging in infidelity truly realizes he or she has done a mistake which is not based on any negative feelings on their partner. If the spouse also believes that true love exists in their relation and this case of adultery can be forgiven, the marriage can be successfully carried further.
Counseling for the right advice
Another valuable step towards restoring the marriage is to approach an experienced marriage counselor. Marriage counseling helps to alleviate the differences between the couple and helps them towards succeeding in the relationship. Whilst this is an increasing option which couples are restoring to, it is important to identify the right counselor first –
- Check the years of experience of the counselor and the history of his success. This is obtained through inquiries with friends and family
- Different types of counselors exists these days like individual counselor, couple counselor, family therapist, religion based counselor etc. Ensure the right person is identified
- Try to understand his stance during counseling. A wise one always looks to heal the relationship by sorting out the differences and that is the primary reason people go to them
- Counselor should be easily approachable, else you cannot share your feelings
- Cost, time and other tangible factors should be checked
The primary reason people resort to counseling is to sort out issues and aim for a continued relationship. So, an open mind is required during counseling, else it will serve minimum purpose.